Slacker

     I've been slacking terribly here lately about keeping everyone updated, but it is now less than two weeks until my sweet, wonderful, handsome soldier is back home and in my arms. I can't wait to see his face and feel his arms wrapped around me. What makes it even better is that the next time he leaves I'll be going WITH him!! No more of this long distance mess for us. I'm so proud of him and everything he has accomplished this past year but it's time for my man to come home.

Contentment

     My entire life I have lived based off the idea that everyone should be happy 24/7, and when your a kid that is the easiest thing in the world to do. You can get out of almost any trouble you get into, you get new toys everyday, and people give you candy just because you're cute. However, as I've gotten older it's become more apparent that being happy all of the time is simply impossible. At first I thought this was a huge crisis, anytime I got mad or upset it pissed me off even more because I let myself get mad or upset. This ended up just sending me in continuous circles of being miserable. Now after some events that have taken place within the past year or so I've realized that it's okay to be pissed. No one in their right mind expects anyone of the human race to be happy every second of everyday. So now instead of getting even more upset because I'm not happy or in a good mood I just stay pissed. I let myself be angry because then I throw my fit and I'm over it. It may sound like the childish way to deal with things but what good does it do yourself if you just hold everything in? Absolutely none. I also have a problem with trying to make everyone else happy. Don't get me wrong wanting to help others and make sure they're happy is a great thing but it's critically important that you remember to take time for youself as well, which is usually the step I tend to leave out. I have caught myself spending so much time focused on others that I actually felt like I was losing myself, which was a horrible feeling. You will never please everyone, it's impossible. And before you even attempt to you need to make sure that every single desire your heart yearns for is fulfilled. Finding yourself and being content with it is the most important lesson I've learned in life.

"Weight of the World"

     I can FINALLY relax and breathe easy. The boys all safely made it back to Germany this morning and this deployment is officially over. It's as if the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders after just one simple message this morning saying they were back and safe. No more staying up all night worrying or keeping my phone glued to my hand hoping I didn't miss his call. I can't wait for these next few weeks to fly by and for him to be home with me! I'm the happiest wife in the world right now :)

He's almost home!

"So I'm a little behind"

     I'm a little late but as of two days ago Dalton and I have happily completed our first year of marriage! Although I was positive it wouldn't this year has really flown by thankfully. It's been filled with ups and downs but against the odds we kept our heads up and made it. I'm so blessed and truly thankful to have him in my life. He is everything that is important to me. He's my strength and my weakness, my bestfriend, my lover, the person I will spend the rest of my life with, the person I'll someday have a family with, the reason for the smile stretched across my face, he's MY perfect match :)  Over the last year our relationship has been strengthened and transformed into something most people will never get to experience. So what if we don't have that mushy fairytale love...who wants that??? What we have is real! What we have will last for many years to come...

"Soul Mate"

I am convinced that the woman who wrote this(Elizabeth Gilbert) is one of the most open-minded,spiritual,brilliant people I have ever acknowleded. Her books are filled with nothing but honesty and inspiration from the first page until the very last. If you don't know her or have never read any of her work I strongly suggest that you make a trip to the bookstore soon. (Eat, Pray, Love and Committed) are two of her best works in my opinion.  

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..." — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

"MOTHER'S DAY"...May 8,2011

Sadly I was unable to spend the one day that was specifically created to celebrate the joy of mothers with my own. Instead I was stuck with no choice but giving her a single phone call to tell how much I love her and that I was sorry I couldn't help make her day special. (She also has a present on the way..which I know she will love)!!

Since I couldn't be with my own I went with a friend, her little boy, and her friends little girl to the zoo. We had alot of fun and most importantly the kids had a blast! She was able to enjoy Mother's Day with her son and I got to witness first hand some of the joys and fun that come with being a mom.

I hope everyone had a fantastic mother's day and got to share it with loved ones!

       

                                             

"Crunch Time"

    

       Well, as many of you know the big day is getting closer and closer. This also means so is the BIG move! That's right as of July, 2011 I will no longer reside in the good ole USA, however, this is good news because it means I will finally be moving with my husband!! Ahh I can't wait. Although I'm extremely excited it's starting to hit me just how close it actually is, meaning I have a lot to do in a short amount of time. Such as pack, visit family, pack, take care of last odd and ends, and pack somemore.  I never knew I had so much stuff until I slowly started putting things into boxes, boy have I made a mess. Oh well, it's time to get off here, buckle down, and get things ready to go, lord knows I am :).

"A Sonnet for My Soldier"

I promise to love you everyday,
Both perfections and imperfections too.
Right by your side I shall faithfully stay,   
Never to disrespect or betray you.

For you I completely would give my life,
And I know you would do the same for me.
It is such an honor to be your wife,
Until forever we shall always be.

We still have our entire lives ahead,
So there is no need to rush for right now.
We would never last or so they all said,
Until they heard us repeat every vow.

So for right now I shall patiently wait,
Until you arrive safely for our date.

                              I miss you insanely James Dalton Shannon. Hurry back to me!

"Crazy is an understatement"

     I'm a girl who holds the title for many labels...some people say I'm crazy and fun others think I'm the most boring person in the world and then there are some who label me as snobby or bitchy even, but the truth is the only label I truly hold is that I'm me. I'm sure there are people who will disagree but being me consists of many things. Here are some: I'm moody, loud, a little selfish, obnoxious, off the wall, honest, opionated, funny, outgoing, sweet, complex, hard to handle, shy, modest at times, a bookworm, a cuddler, confusing, curious, understanding, dependable, straight forward, unfortunately somewhat judgemental, hard on myself, adventureous, down to earth, laid back yet uptight, random, happy, etc... I know some of those seem very contradicting and they are but that's me, which is why complex made it on the list. Sometimes I don't even know what I want or what I'm pissed about or even happy about and that makes me difficult to like or love sometimes, I'm fully aware of it. And yet Dalton loves me unconditionally and I have no idea why. Whatever his reasoning is though I'm so thankful that he does. No matter how moody I am or uptight he continues to tell me how much he loves me. He could tell me everyday and it would never get old. Even though I know how much he loves me, to hear him say it makes me incredibly happy. I'm so lucky to have found someone who loves me no matter what mood I'm in, good or bad. I love him so much words cannot describe.

"Perfect Ending"

       I was ecstatic this afternoon when I recieved a phone call from my wonderful husband, forty glorious minutes of talking and laughing about some important things and others pointless and random. It was a great way to start off my afternoon and things contiued to get better, the weather was nice so I was able to study at the park, I had the entire day off of work, and got to enjoy some yummy italian food with my friend Heather. If only every day could be so grand. I was finally starting to settle into bed and do some last minute studying when I saw Dalton was online (Facebook). We started talking and he asked me to get on skype. We haven't been able to use skype in awhile due to lack of internet and webcams where he is at the moment so the thought of seeing his face made my entire night. We got to talk for an entire hour and a half!! I couldn't possible think of a better way to end this day than fall asleep still seeing his face. It was the PERFECT ENDING!

"Debbie Downer"

          As much as I hate to admit this, (because it means my husband was right) I am one of the most negative people in world it seems. I think it's so hard for me to believe because I have never in the entirety of my existence felt like a negative person. I'm usually very upbeat and happy go lucky but for the past year or so I have been in a slump. When I noticed it was true I immediately began thinking of ways to change it. I wanted absoloutely nothing to do with the negative person I was or already have became. Of course the first thing I wanted to do was think of countless things to blame but as I sat in the park thinking about it I realized the only thing to blame is myself. No one or no particular situation has made me have this outlook on things. If I wanted my old cheerful self back it was up to me to get it. As much as I kept telling myself this the idea of not having anything to blame was a hard concept for me to swallow. So I decided to think of all of the things I would normally blame and pick them apart until I found all of the ways these events have POSITIVELY affected my life. I have shortened it some but here is the summarized version of the list I came up with. Number one- Obviously when thinking of things to blame I immediately turned to this deployment and for the first couple of minutes I'll admit I was pissed off. But that's what I needed, I got pissed and then I got over it. This deployment has sucked yes but it has also opened my eyes in more ways than I could have ever imagined. It has definitely made me more independent, I realized just how much I could do by myself and while it's comforting to have him home and able to help me it's also nice to know I can take care of things while he is away so he doesn't have to stress over minute things. It's made me more verbal. When you don't get to see your significant other everyday communication becomes more important than ever, not talking about things is simply not an option. I've learned if something is bothering you than tell them don't keep it inside because it only makes things worse when it does come out and eventually everything does. It has also made us grow as a couple. Dalton and I are both very independent people but throughout all of this I think we have both learned you do need one another and that it's okay. We have become more open, loving, and understanding towards one another in the past 11 months than we have ever been since we first met each other. We have learned the smallest details and interest of one another, and most importantly are more in love than ever. Number two- Of course the stress of school and work had to make it on the list somewhere. Since I have been in college ( the past two years) I have changed my mind and major a million times it seems. I have known since eighth grade that I wanted to be a part of the medical field when I grew up but trying to decide what I wanted to do in it is the hard part. I have went from surgeon to PA to physical therapy to athletic trainer...the list goes on. I think I have finally settled on flight nursing for now at least. Between trying to decide what the hell I want to do with my life, the tedious classwork of this semester, and work itself it has been a rough couple of months. But my new postive outlook on all of this, looking into different careers is a reminder that I still have options. Who says I have to decide right now? I have the rest of my life to settle down in a career, there is no rule that says it has to be done today. As far as classwork goes it has definitely kicked my ass this semester but I've learned from it so now I know how to improve myself and study habits. Work is a whole different story, for the past few weeks I have been working six shifts a week and I know it doesn't seem like alot but when you're doing that and taking 17 hours of school it adds up. Although it exhausts me and frustrates me...it's money and everyone has to have money. The list had a few more things on it but these were the main two. After making and reading over my list that day I started realizing I have it easy compared to most people. Yes I have only seen my husband for roughly two weeks within the past year, but he loves me and provides for me and has made me the promise to do this forever. How could I not be the happiest girl in the world? He is so wonderful it literally blows my mind sometimes. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend and I have the rest of my life to spend with him so this year is nothing. And yes I have a hectic/busy schedule, but who doesn't? I'm not the only person in the world with errands to run or choices to make. I know this will not happen overnight but i'm am going to stay on myself and make sure that I don't fall back into old habits. I WILL be Positive!! Nobody wants to be a Debbie Downer...

"The days that make you wonder"

     Throughout this deployment I have had my share of bad days. Today has been one of those. From the moment I woke up it seems as if nothing can go right. All I have done is think about him and how I would love nothing more than to be in his arms, that is my favorite place to be in the entire world. When he called today all I wanted to do was bitch and complain about how horrible my day had been or how exhausted I was from closing the past six shifts but I didn't. When I have rough days he is what gets me through them and he doesn't even know it. When I think about how tired I am I think to myself, I wonder how many days he's been up now or when I'm just irritated with everything going wrong I imagine what his day might have been like and how it's probably a lot worse than mine was. I always remember that no matter how tired he may be or mad he always calls me anytime he has the chance and when he does, he puts all of that exhaustion and irritation away. He still smiles and tries to be happy just so I can be. So why should I not do the same for him? I don't want him to constantly be worrying about me or thinking that I'm terribly unhappy because he's gone. He has enough on his plate to worry about so he doesn't need to spend his time worrying about me. Yes I have bad days sometimes and as wonderful as it would be to lay in bed with him and talk to him about it or just push it aside and watch a movie thats not possible right now so why dwell on it and make myself even more miserable? I know he isn't here, I'm fully aware so why bring myself down by constantly reminding myself. You just push it aside for now, get through this and then deal with whatever else comes your way, and smile as much as you can the whole way through. I know this is a hard concept to practice, being away from Dalton has always been hard but once we really fell in love it seemed impossible. Watching him leave completely broke my heart and every wall I had up just crumbled. When he first left for deployment I couldn't possible imagine how I was going to make to. There were days that I did nothing but lay in bed and replay every moment we had just spent together in my head and cry. All day never getting out of bed, not eating, just laying there like a vegatable or something.  And then through the intervention of realization I was back to normal. Something in me realized what I was doing was stupid and completely useless. No matter how many days I layed in bed or how many tears I cried he wasn't coming  back any faster so why be miserable? So I woke up ran some errands, grabbed lunch, and started looking for new hobbies. I was then determined I was going to make it through this deployment and do it with a smile stretched across my face. Sure I've still had some bad days but I take what life throws at me and go on. Whatever you do, DON'T give yourself time to think. If you're anything like me as soon as I have a free minute my mind begins to wonder in a million directions and even I can't keep up with it. Sometimes I think I'm completely insane. But to make myself feel better I just think to myself..."if you're not a little crazy, you're boring right?" ;)

"The days go by"

     As much as I try not to have countdowns because they seem to make everything drag on, it's almost impossible not to. I'll be doing so good and not even be thinking about it then all of a sudden I'll see his picture or hear his voice and it's suddenly as if I don't have a choice but to look. I HAVE to know when I'll be able to see him, hold him, and talk to him all at the same time. So yes, as of now I do have a countdown. Of course I am not able to post specific dates or times on here but all anyone needs to know is that it is very soon! But another thing to keep in mind is when a military spouse says very soon that could still be quite a few weeks or months away. We have our own entire way of perceiving time. So I guess for those of you who are curious you'll just have to keep up:)

Oh and some advice if you too are in this situation...STAY BUSY!! Use this time alone to find yourself. Explore the world. Find new hobbies and interests. Find things out about yourself  that you never knew. And most of all wait patiently and faithfully for your wonderful husband to return:)!!

This is the reason I wait. That smile melts my heart, makes all of my fears go away, takes away all my pain, reminds me how lucky I am to have it, and gives me something to look forward to.

"A fine mess"

     When you think of newlyweds you typically think of the couple spending every waken hour together, the wife cooking breakfast and dinner, and even talking about a family or planning where they want to settle down.  Now, let me tell you how our marriage is completely opposite from everything previously mentioned.  Instead of spending every hour or even day together we usually spend a couple of weeks together  but only after spending months apart, there is no sharing breakfast or telling each other about our days over dinner, and as far as planning out the rest of our lives, well we just take it a day at a time. The reason behind this bizare relationship we share is called the United States Army. My husband has now been in the military for almost two years and I'll be the first to admit it's definitely been a journey. Although parts of it have been extremely difficult it has been a learning experience that has done nothing but strengthen our relationship. Over the past two years we have grown so much together. We have learned to trust, depend on, love unconditionally, and to always put the others needs before our own. Dalton and I are as different as night and day and even though sometimes he drives me insane, I couldn't possibly love him more. I'm a strong believer that no one is perfect but he has to be insanely close because he never seems to fall short of everything I need him to be. Even though we are thousands of miles apart right now he seems to always be there when I need him the most. He makes me laugh when I want nothing more than to be pissed off at the world and when I want to cry he always assures me that everything will be okay and no matter how bad the situation may be, I always believe him. I know it's probably hard for most people to understand why in the world someone would put themselves through all of this waiting and seperation when they could easily find someone close to them that they share common interest with but it's something I can't quite explain. Our relationship is a mess, I'll admit. There are no time schedules or exact dates, no guarantees, only promises and lots of wishful/hopeful thinking. But as crazy and hectic as it is I wouldn't have it any other way because it's with him and that's the only thing I need. I can't imagine ever spending my life with anyone but my husband. I would wait one hundred years for him if I had to. And yes before someone asks the inevitable question, I miss him terribly and think about him continuously. I worry about him day and night even though he tells me not to and I constantly stare at my phone hoping that he will call just so I can hear his voice if only for one second. As bad as it sucks, and trust me it does, all of the things you miss when you're apart are that much more special when he is finally in your arms again. There are so many things I wish he was here for so we could share them together but I know he wishes he were too and that's good enough for me. We'll have our time one day but right now I'm just patiently waiting.

"A formal introduction"

     May 22, 2010 I went against everything I ever said and not only got married, but was the first to do so out of all of my friends. The guy I married who is wonderful, perfect, insanely fun, and also my best friend was also not expected by anyone to be one of the first to settle down. Did I mention we were both 19 and didn't date all that long before we decided to tie the knot? Being from a small town you can imagine the conversation we stirred up:) I can't tell you how many times i heard, "they're too young" or "they'll be divorced within a year". Well guess what a little over 10 months into this marriage AND our first deployment(which definitely adds complications) we're still together and happy as ever. And this is just the beginning.