"Debbie Downer"

          As much as I hate to admit this, (because it means my husband was right) I am one of the most negative people in world it seems. I think it's so hard for me to believe because I have never in the entirety of my existence felt like a negative person. I'm usually very upbeat and happy go lucky but for the past year or so I have been in a slump. When I noticed it was true I immediately began thinking of ways to change it. I wanted absoloutely nothing to do with the negative person I was or already have became. Of course the first thing I wanted to do was think of countless things to blame but as I sat in the park thinking about it I realized the only thing to blame is myself. No one or no particular situation has made me have this outlook on things. If I wanted my old cheerful self back it was up to me to get it. As much as I kept telling myself this the idea of not having anything to blame was a hard concept for me to swallow. So I decided to think of all of the things I would normally blame and pick them apart until I found all of the ways these events have POSITIVELY affected my life. I have shortened it some but here is the summarized version of the list I came up with. Number one- Obviously when thinking of things to blame I immediately turned to this deployment and for the first couple of minutes I'll admit I was pissed off. But that's what I needed, I got pissed and then I got over it. This deployment has sucked yes but it has also opened my eyes in more ways than I could have ever imagined. It has definitely made me more independent, I realized just how much I could do by myself and while it's comforting to have him home and able to help me it's also nice to know I can take care of things while he is away so he doesn't have to stress over minute things. It's made me more verbal. When you don't get to see your significant other everyday communication becomes more important than ever, not talking about things is simply not an option. I've learned if something is bothering you than tell them don't keep it inside because it only makes things worse when it does come out and eventually everything does. It has also made us grow as a couple. Dalton and I are both very independent people but throughout all of this I think we have both learned you do need one another and that it's okay. We have become more open, loving, and understanding towards one another in the past 11 months than we have ever been since we first met each other. We have learned the smallest details and interest of one another, and most importantly are more in love than ever. Number two- Of course the stress of school and work had to make it on the list somewhere. Since I have been in college ( the past two years) I have changed my mind and major a million times it seems. I have known since eighth grade that I wanted to be a part of the medical field when I grew up but trying to decide what I wanted to do in it is the hard part. I have went from surgeon to PA to physical therapy to athletic trainer...the list goes on. I think I have finally settled on flight nursing for now at least. Between trying to decide what the hell I want to do with my life, the tedious classwork of this semester, and work itself it has been a rough couple of months. But my new postive outlook on all of this, looking into different careers is a reminder that I still have options. Who says I have to decide right now? I have the rest of my life to settle down in a career, there is no rule that says it has to be done today. As far as classwork goes it has definitely kicked my ass this semester but I've learned from it so now I know how to improve myself and study habits. Work is a whole different story, for the past few weeks I have been working six shifts a week and I know it doesn't seem like alot but when you're doing that and taking 17 hours of school it adds up. Although it exhausts me and frustrates me...it's money and everyone has to have money. The list had a few more things on it but these were the main two. After making and reading over my list that day I started realizing I have it easy compared to most people. Yes I have only seen my husband for roughly two weeks within the past year, but he loves me and provides for me and has made me the promise to do this forever. How could I not be the happiest girl in the world? He is so wonderful it literally blows my mind sometimes. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend and I have the rest of my life to spend with him so this year is nothing. And yes I have a hectic/busy schedule, but who doesn't? I'm not the only person in the world with errands to run or choices to make. I know this will not happen overnight but i'm am going to stay on myself and make sure that I don't fall back into old habits. I WILL be Positive!! Nobody wants to be a Debbie Downer...