"A Sonnet for My Soldier"

I promise to love you everyday,
Both perfections and imperfections too.
Right by your side I shall faithfully stay,   
Never to disrespect or betray you.

For you I completely would give my life,
And I know you would do the same for me.
It is such an honor to be your wife,
Until forever we shall always be.

We still have our entire lives ahead,
So there is no need to rush for right now.
We would never last or so they all said,
Until they heard us repeat every vow.

So for right now I shall patiently wait,
Until you arrive safely for our date.

                              I miss you insanely James Dalton Shannon. Hurry back to me!

"Crazy is an understatement"

     I'm a girl who holds the title for many labels...some people say I'm crazy and fun others think I'm the most boring person in the world and then there are some who label me as snobby or bitchy even, but the truth is the only label I truly hold is that I'm me. I'm sure there are people who will disagree but being me consists of many things. Here are some: I'm moody, loud, a little selfish, obnoxious, off the wall, honest, opionated, funny, outgoing, sweet, complex, hard to handle, shy, modest at times, a bookworm, a cuddler, confusing, curious, understanding, dependable, straight forward, unfortunately somewhat judgemental, hard on myself, adventureous, down to earth, laid back yet uptight, random, happy, etc... I know some of those seem very contradicting and they are but that's me, which is why complex made it on the list. Sometimes I don't even know what I want or what I'm pissed about or even happy about and that makes me difficult to like or love sometimes, I'm fully aware of it. And yet Dalton loves me unconditionally and I have no idea why. Whatever his reasoning is though I'm so thankful that he does. No matter how moody I am or uptight he continues to tell me how much he loves me. He could tell me everyday and it would never get old. Even though I know how much he loves me, to hear him say it makes me incredibly happy. I'm so lucky to have found someone who loves me no matter what mood I'm in, good or bad. I love him so much words cannot describe.

"Perfect Ending"

       I was ecstatic this afternoon when I recieved a phone call from my wonderful husband, forty glorious minutes of talking and laughing about some important things and others pointless and random. It was a great way to start off my afternoon and things contiued to get better, the weather was nice so I was able to study at the park, I had the entire day off of work, and got to enjoy some yummy italian food with my friend Heather. If only every day could be so grand. I was finally starting to settle into bed and do some last minute studying when I saw Dalton was online (Facebook). We started talking and he asked me to get on skype. We haven't been able to use skype in awhile due to lack of internet and webcams where he is at the moment so the thought of seeing his face made my entire night. We got to talk for an entire hour and a half!! I couldn't possible think of a better way to end this day than fall asleep still seeing his face. It was the PERFECT ENDING!

"Debbie Downer"

          As much as I hate to admit this, (because it means my husband was right) I am one of the most negative people in world it seems. I think it's so hard for me to believe because I have never in the entirety of my existence felt like a negative person. I'm usually very upbeat and happy go lucky but for the past year or so I have been in a slump. When I noticed it was true I immediately began thinking of ways to change it. I wanted absoloutely nothing to do with the negative person I was or already have became. Of course the first thing I wanted to do was think of countless things to blame but as I sat in the park thinking about it I realized the only thing to blame is myself. No one or no particular situation has made me have this outlook on things. If I wanted my old cheerful self back it was up to me to get it. As much as I kept telling myself this the idea of not having anything to blame was a hard concept for me to swallow. So I decided to think of all of the things I would normally blame and pick them apart until I found all of the ways these events have POSITIVELY affected my life. I have shortened it some but here is the summarized version of the list I came up with. Number one- Obviously when thinking of things to blame I immediately turned to this deployment and for the first couple of minutes I'll admit I was pissed off. But that's what I needed, I got pissed and then I got over it. This deployment has sucked yes but it has also opened my eyes in more ways than I could have ever imagined. It has definitely made me more independent, I realized just how much I could do by myself and while it's comforting to have him home and able to help me it's also nice to know I can take care of things while he is away so he doesn't have to stress over minute things. It's made me more verbal. When you don't get to see your significant other everyday communication becomes more important than ever, not talking about things is simply not an option. I've learned if something is bothering you than tell them don't keep it inside because it only makes things worse when it does come out and eventually everything does. It has also made us grow as a couple. Dalton and I are both very independent people but throughout all of this I think we have both learned you do need one another and that it's okay. We have become more open, loving, and understanding towards one another in the past 11 months than we have ever been since we first met each other. We have learned the smallest details and interest of one another, and most importantly are more in love than ever. Number two- Of course the stress of school and work had to make it on the list somewhere. Since I have been in college ( the past two years) I have changed my mind and major a million times it seems. I have known since eighth grade that I wanted to be a part of the medical field when I grew up but trying to decide what I wanted to do in it is the hard part. I have went from surgeon to PA to physical therapy to athletic trainer...the list goes on. I think I have finally settled on flight nursing for now at least. Between trying to decide what the hell I want to do with my life, the tedious classwork of this semester, and work itself it has been a rough couple of months. But my new postive outlook on all of this, looking into different careers is a reminder that I still have options. Who says I have to decide right now? I have the rest of my life to settle down in a career, there is no rule that says it has to be done today. As far as classwork goes it has definitely kicked my ass this semester but I've learned from it so now I know how to improve myself and study habits. Work is a whole different story, for the past few weeks I have been working six shifts a week and I know it doesn't seem like alot but when you're doing that and taking 17 hours of school it adds up. Although it exhausts me and frustrates me...it's money and everyone has to have money. The list had a few more things on it but these were the main two. After making and reading over my list that day I started realizing I have it easy compared to most people. Yes I have only seen my husband for roughly two weeks within the past year, but he loves me and provides for me and has made me the promise to do this forever. How could I not be the happiest girl in the world? He is so wonderful it literally blows my mind sometimes. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend and I have the rest of my life to spend with him so this year is nothing. And yes I have a hectic/busy schedule, but who doesn't? I'm not the only person in the world with errands to run or choices to make. I know this will not happen overnight but i'm am going to stay on myself and make sure that I don't fall back into old habits. I WILL be Positive!! Nobody wants to be a Debbie Downer...

"The days that make you wonder"

     Throughout this deployment I have had my share of bad days. Today has been one of those. From the moment I woke up it seems as if nothing can go right. All I have done is think about him and how I would love nothing more than to be in his arms, that is my favorite place to be in the entire world. When he called today all I wanted to do was bitch and complain about how horrible my day had been or how exhausted I was from closing the past six shifts but I didn't. When I have rough days he is what gets me through them and he doesn't even know it. When I think about how tired I am I think to myself, I wonder how many days he's been up now or when I'm just irritated with everything going wrong I imagine what his day might have been like and how it's probably a lot worse than mine was. I always remember that no matter how tired he may be or mad he always calls me anytime he has the chance and when he does, he puts all of that exhaustion and irritation away. He still smiles and tries to be happy just so I can be. So why should I not do the same for him? I don't want him to constantly be worrying about me or thinking that I'm terribly unhappy because he's gone. He has enough on his plate to worry about so he doesn't need to spend his time worrying about me. Yes I have bad days sometimes and as wonderful as it would be to lay in bed with him and talk to him about it or just push it aside and watch a movie thats not possible right now so why dwell on it and make myself even more miserable? I know he isn't here, I'm fully aware so why bring myself down by constantly reminding myself. You just push it aside for now, get through this and then deal with whatever else comes your way, and smile as much as you can the whole way through. I know this is a hard concept to practice, being away from Dalton has always been hard but once we really fell in love it seemed impossible. Watching him leave completely broke my heart and every wall I had up just crumbled. When he first left for deployment I couldn't possible imagine how I was going to make to. There were days that I did nothing but lay in bed and replay every moment we had just spent together in my head and cry. All day never getting out of bed, not eating, just laying there like a vegatable or something.  And then through the intervention of realization I was back to normal. Something in me realized what I was doing was stupid and completely useless. No matter how many days I layed in bed or how many tears I cried he wasn't coming  back any faster so why be miserable? So I woke up ran some errands, grabbed lunch, and started looking for new hobbies. I was then determined I was going to make it through this deployment and do it with a smile stretched across my face. Sure I've still had some bad days but I take what life throws at me and go on. Whatever you do, DON'T give yourself time to think. If you're anything like me as soon as I have a free minute my mind begins to wonder in a million directions and even I can't keep up with it. Sometimes I think I'm completely insane. But to make myself feel better I just think to myself..."if you're not a little crazy, you're boring right?" ;)